The more that I drive around this city, the more that I realize why God has placed me here.
I never thought I’d say that, but here I am. In the past few weeks, I’ve driven in more parts of this city than I had in my four years in college here. It has been so enlightening to see the diversity that I’ve known of and talked about simply in driving in different pockets of this city. The diversity of architecture and people and lifestyle is vast and great and beautiful. I love it.
Many people fall in love with Austin right away. It’s a cool, hipster, trendy, and a music-filled city – I get it. But, I was not one to be won over so quickly. If I have to choose to be in love with a city, it’d always be San Antonio because that is where home is and I. love. home. Austin was the place where I could go to college and grow up a little, but home was always the place I wanted to get back to.
It’s not a surprise that when Josh was driving me back to Austin for “good,” I cried the entire way here. Yes, I chose to live here. Yes, I loved that I had a job here. Yes, in those moments, I was excited for the career that I was about to begin. Yes, I love Josh and this is the city where he would be. Yes, to all of those things. But – no, I was not pleased to not be living at home. No, I did not want to start this new phase of life without my Mommy and Daddy being minutes or seconds away. No, I did not want to transition to a new season of life and new living situation and new social group. No, I did not want something new.
Therefore, it’s actually quite a shock that I am reaching these realizations except that I prayed this prayer in the first few weeks of school when I was absolutely questioning all things.
Change me in such a way that the only explanation is Your power in me.
I wasn’t quite sure what I was praying in those moments, but now I am beginning to see it. As Josh and I begin to commit to a church here in Austin, we realize that it’s not the perfect or ideal situation or place. But, what is? I know I hate the idea of new things, new places, new people, new friends, new anything. Novelty and uncertainty is probably the most difficult thing for me. Yet, God has been providing me glimmers of hope amidst the uncertainty and darkness of the days that I am walking through.
Now more than ever, I know that my identity cannot be found in my career. Being a teacher is part of who I am, but never can it be all of who I am. Because, what happens when the Lord calls me to something new? What happens when this doesn’t work out? What happens when this doesn’t bring me joy? I don’t know if these questions will be questions that I ask – but what happens when they do? My identity to the deepest parts of who I am must be rooted in Christ.
And oh how God has taught me this over and over again.
Perhaps the newness factor in all facets of my life are purposed brilliantly and beautifully to draw me to His plans and not my own.
So, maybe I’m kinda sorta maybe starting to fall in love with this place that I will currently call me home. And yeah, I can say for certain that I am at peace with gratitude that God has led me to this place with these people at such a time as this. And yeah, I will stay here with contentment and joy until the day that the Lord calls me back to the place I called home for so many years.