years go by

In the past year, I have student taught, graduated from college, said yeah to marrying this guy named Josh, accepted my first teaching position, survived half a year with the most energetic, spirited 1st graders, and planned half a wedding. There were so many major life events jam packed in what seemed to be a few short months. I remember distinctly at the beginning of the year being keenly aware that life would start to move fast and that it would be a big year for me. And it was all I had thought, and much more.

This fast forwarded motion was something I was totally not cool with. I love for things to move at a pace that I control. I like taking my time when I want to. I like being ready. Double checking my readiness. Triple checking that I double checked that I checked that I had everything on my check list to be checked. It’s serious, this whole preparation thing.

But, oh how God had plans to teach me and stretch me and make me uncomfortable. Oh how I did not have control of the timing of all things. And oh how I have experienced and recognized more and more of God’s kindness and grace through this relinquishing of control.

2014 was a big year, not just because of all of these things, but also because this was the farthest year in time that I have ever thought about or even considered. Even now, I have not planned things past 2014. Except the wedding. It’s scary, frightening, exciting, and exhilarating all at the same time. I am still getting used to the concept of being an adult, and of being considered a peer to people 20 years my elder. It’s weird. And empowering. But, mostly weird.

I am humbled by the blessings of teaching and marriage, all of which I do not deserve. All of which I’ve done nothing right or good to deserve them. But, grace has been poured into my life, and I get to experience the joys, struggles, heartbreak, victory, healing, redemption, and grace in both of these unique adventures.

Here’s to 2015. Where I will say that I have survived my first year of teaching, and hopefully be asked to return. Where I will spend half the year living in limbo, fighting to be present in the moments I’m in. Where I will make the 2nd most important and greatest choice of my life in marrying Josh. Where I will spend half the year just beginning to learn what in the world it actually means to be a wife and stop putting myself first all the freaking time. It’s the start of something new in this new year, and I’m more excited than scared to walk through it. I just hope I don’t try to run through it too fast – knowing that my plans are not always His plans and that His plans are always better.

I’m finally old enough to see that years go by every year, no matter if you’re ready or not. I pray that I stay young at heart, eager to explore and excited by the possibilities of the unknown.


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